JOKE, SHAYARI & POEMs: April 2011

Aapki surat kitni pyaari hai,

Khuda ne ise khud apne hathon se sanwara hai,

Kisi aur se shadi na kar lena,

Kyonki-

Aaj tak Mayawati khud aapke liye kunwari hai……

Khafa ho ya koi gham hai,

Number kho gaya ki ya balance kam hai,

Bhejo SMS agar aap me dam hai,

Ya ye maan jao ki-

SMS ke KING sirf hum hain……

Pyaar unse karo jo nibhana jantein ho,

Gussa unse karo jo manana jante ho,

Aur-

Dosti unse karo jo-

Dil-o-jaan lutana jante ho….

1^st behra- kya tum Mumbai ja rahe ho?

2^nd behra- nahin.

Me to Mumbai ja ra hun.

1^st behra- achha me samajha, tum Mumbai ja rahe ho……

Aap jaisa dost ho to koi gham nahin hota,

Dur rehne se pyaar kam nahin hota,

Waqt to waqt, bewaqt aa jate hain aankhon me aansu,

Kyonki-

Yaadon ka koi mausam nahin hota…..

Chand aur me,

Dono ka ek sa muqadar,

Wo falak pe tanha,

Me zamin pe tanha,

Wo roshni maange Suraj se,

Aur me bijli walon se……..

Trust is like a mirror,

Once-

You break it , you can never look at it the same again……

Pyaar-

Pyaar barish ki bundo ki tarah hai,

Jisko chune ki khwahish me hatheliyan to geeli ho jati hai,

Par hath hamesha khali hi rehta hai…..

Your SMS is part of my heart,

Your misscall is beat of my heart,

Your call is blood circulation of my heart,

So continue to contact me & keep active heart……..

My eyes are hurting, because I can’t see you

My arms are empty, because I can’t hold you

My lips are cold, because I can’t kiss you

But-

My heart is breaking, because I amn’t with you………..

Meri kabra pe wo rone aaye hain,

Humse pyaar karte hain, ye kehne aaye hain

Jab jindgi thi, tab rulaya bahut

Ab hum aaram se soye hain,

To fir se jagane aaye hain…….

Top Indian milk containers-

Aysha Takia- 4.5 ltr

Sania- 3 ltr

Mallika- 2.5 ltr

Bipasha- 2 ltr

Preity- 1.5 ltr

Aishwarya- 1 ltr

Kareena- sample pouch

Rakhi Sawant- family pack……

Hum hum hain,

Aap aap hain,

Naa aap kam hain,

Naa hum kam hain,

To kis baat ka gham hai,

SMS padhte rahiye,

Tabhi to lagega ki-

Mobile rekhne wale DABANGG hain….

Flowers are soft, don’t touch with hard hands

Similarly-

Feelings are like flowers,

Don’t touch them with hard words…..

Aapko yaad karna achchha lagta hai,

Bas aapko khone se dar lagta hai,

Kahin aankhon se dur na ho jayein aap,

Ab to raat ko sone se bhi dar lagta hai……

Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya.

Bahut der se susu rok rakha tha.

Baad me ladki se bola- susu karne ki jagah dikhao.

Ladki sarmate hue boli- pehle tum dikhao…….

Lalu- vidhwaon ne kaha hasi ki Murkh aadmi ki biwi bahut sunder hoti hai.

Rawri- dhat.., aap ke paas to hamaar taarif ke alawa kauno kaam hi nahin hai…

Train station per ruki .

1 aadmi khidki ke paas baithe sardar se bola-

Kaun sa station hai?

Sardar bahar dekh kar bola-

Lagta hai Railway Station hai….

Mehkhane me jaam tut jata hai,

Ishq me deil tut jata hai,

Naa jane kya rishta hai in dono me,

Jam tute to ishq yaad ata hai,

Dil tute to jam yaad ata hai…….

Touch your heart.

Close your eyes.

Make a wish.

Say good night.

Sky so wide.

Stars so bright.

Off the light.

Sleep quite.

Shhhh.. gd n8.

Kid- dad, can be go Mcdonald?

Dad- only if you can spell Mcdonalds.

Kid- thought for a minute, said-

Can be go to KFC instead?....

Usne mujhse puchha- kya had hai teri mohabbat ki?

Maine kaha- mohabbat ki koi had nahin hoti.

Jo hadon me rah jayein,

Use mohabbat nahin hoti…….

Hakikat samajho ya afsana,

Apna samajho ya begana,

Mera tumhara rishta purana,

Isliye farz tha batana, ki-

Garmi suru ho chuki hai,

Please ab roz mat nahana…….

Munna- ae circuit, ye doctor log operation se pehle patient ko behosh kyon kerte hain?

Circuit- bhai, bole to patient operation sikh gaya to doctor kya karega…….

I am in you,

Sender- god,

I miss you,

Sender- devils,

I’ll cheat you,

Sender- lover,

I’ll be always with you forever………

“sometimes we maintain silence to protect one beautiful relation.

But too much silence creates a distance in every relations.

So keep in touch always.”

-prabhakar

Kabhi kerte hain jindgi ki tamanna,

Kabhi maut ka intezaar kerte hain,

Wo humse kyon dur rehte hain,

Jinhe hum jindgi se bhi jyaada pyaar kerte hain….

Chemical story-

All electrons were in a party.

Protons attacked them.

A hero saved them.

Electrons asked- who are you?

He said- bond,

Covelant bond…..

Tere laut aane ka intezaar kerte hain,

Dekh hum tumse kitna pyaar kerte hain,

Hum banate hain kagaj pe tasveer teri,

Fir tujhse baatein hum hazaar kerte hain…..

Friendship must be like eyes,

Because they move together,

They see together,

They sleep together,

But they never likes to see tears of each other…….

Jab se rutha hai dost mera,

Dil nahin kerta ab jine ko,

Sath le ke chala gaya khushiyan,

Bas de gaya aansu mujhe pine ko……

Tumne jis din se nigah feri thi,

Suni us din se duniya meri thi,

Mar ke bhi band naa huie aankhein meri,

Is kadar mujhko pyaas teri thi…

Apun ko yaad kerne ka,

Apun ko phon kerne ka,

Apun ko sms bhi kerne ka,

Nahin kiya to-

Darne ka nahi re baba,

Apun khud sms karega,

Bole to-

Gandhigiri…….

Keep healthy-

1 apple/day - no doctor

1 egg/day - no cancer

1 lemon/day - no fat

1 cup of milk/day - no bone problems

3 ltrs water/day - no diseases

Wo town hall ka sham,

Wo hospital road ka jam,

Wo nadi paar stadium ki masti,

Wo college ki sundar kasti,

Wo coaching ki phooljhadiyan,

Wo R.M.W. GIRLS COLLEGE ki kudiyan,

Wo VIJAY BAZAAR ki sadken-

Jahan kitne hi dil dhadkein,

Wo PRAJATANTRA CHOCK ka sabab,

Wo HOTEL POOJA ka samosa,

Wo CHILLI PARATHE ki yaadein,

Aaise hi kuchh hai humare-

“NAWADAH(BIHAR, INDIA- 805110)”

Ki baatein,

Hain na so sweet,

So welcome to-

“NAWADAH”…………

How many daughter cells are produced during meiosis?

Answer- 4.

What do enzymes do?

Answer- speed up or slow down the rate of reaction…

Nazare mile to use izhaar kehte hain,

Nind naa aaye to use pyaar kehte hain,

Smile de to use ikraar kehte hain,

Aur jo in jhamelon me naa pade –

Use samajhdaar kehte hain……

Pyaar maine bhi kiya aur usne bhi,

Bas fark sirf itna tha,

Ki maine usko pane ke liye kiya,

Aur-

Usne apna waqt bitane ke liye kiya……

Hassi aayi hume rone se pehle,

Use paaya tha kab khone se pehle,

Naa jaane ab raat kaise kategi meri,

Wo fir yaad aaye sone se pehle…….

Bewafa mera yaar nikala,

Aur-

Jhootha uska pyaar nikala,

Vaadein kiye the job hi usne,

Har vaada toota taar nikala….

Ek pyara sa koi sandesh bhej do,

Dosti ka sachcha updesh bhej do,

Agar dosti ka ek msg bhi na ho sake aapse,

To kisi kabadi ko apna mobile bech do…..

Raavan ki 20 aankhein thi,

Magar najar sirf ek aurat pe,

Jab ki aapki 2 aankhein hai,

Aur-

Najar har aurat pe, to asli raavan kaun?...

Sare msg ko madhya nazar rakhte hue INDIAN FRIENDSHIP COURT DHARA 143 ke tehat ye aadalat aapko sachcha dost mankar umar bhar dosti nibhane ka hukm deti hai……

Are you hungry?

Never mind I have 2 bowls.

1 for wishes and-

1 for luck.

Wishes are mine and-

Luck is your.

You can take it or leave it,

Choice is your……..

Everyone is good to us,

Untill we expect nothing from them,

And we are too good to them till we fulfill their expectations……

Night is a perfect time-

To pray

To love

To care

To smile

To relax

Enjoy the sleep

Gd n8.

Koi aapse baat kare,

Tarif kare,

Aapko smart kahe,

To aap use jor se 1 thappad marna,

Uski himmat kaise hui mere dost ko APRIL FOOL banane ki..

“1983 calender & 2011 calender are same.so, INDIA win the CRICKET WORLD CUP in both years.

1983’ Indian captan is KAPIL DEV. And 2011’ Indian captan is M.S. DHONI.”

“Mere bhaiya ke birth-year ke next year India ne 1983 me pehli world cup jeeti thi. And meri bhatiji(my elder brother’s daughter) ke birth year ke next year India ne again dusri baar world cup jeeti.”

-prabhakar.

Ladki sath ho to hotel bill

Ladki dur ho to phone bill

Aur-

Ladki dur hi ho jaye to

Daru ka bill

Isliye na lagao dil

Na aayega bill

Please save…..

“Never feel sad on losing anything in your life.

Because whenever a tree lose its leaf, a new leaf is ready to take its place.”

-prabhakar

Zakhm mera hai

Dard mujhko hota hai

Is zamane me kaun kiska hota hai

Unhe neend nahin aati hai, jo mohabbat karte hain

Jo dil ko todte hain

Wahi chain se sote hain….

Dharti per ishwar ki talash hai,

Malik tera banda kitna nirash hai,

Kyon khojta hai inshaan ishwar ko,

Jabki tere dusre roop me MAA-

Uske itne paas hai……

Define “TODAY”-----

T – this is an

O - opportunity to

D – do

A – a work, better than

Y – yesterday…..

Na jane kyon hame aansu bahana nahi aata,

Na jane kyon nahi hame hal-e-dil batana nahi aata,

Sab milkar bichad jate hain humse,

Shayad hume hi pyaar nibhana nahi aata……..

“ T he right temperature in a relationship is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads.”

-prabhakar

Santa – janu thanda cold drink peene ke baad kuchh karney ko dil chah raha hai.

Wife – (sharmate hue) karo jee.

Santa – BrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrr………

Maut mangte hain to jindgi khafa ho jati hai

Zehar lete hain to wo dawa ho jati hai

Kya karu-

Jisko bhi chahte hain, bewafa ho jati hai….

Samajh saka na koi mere dil ko,

Ye dil yun hi nadan reh gaya,

Mujhe koi gham nahi is baat ka,

Afsos hai ki –

Mera yaar bhi mujhse anjaan reh gaya…..

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together..

Dil ka dard abhi jaari hai,

Aaj ka din bahut hi bhari hai,

Dil ka tutna koi nayi baat nahin,

Dosto-

Pehle girl-friend,

To aaj wife ki baari hai…..

Aaj dil puchh baitha apni hi tasvir se,

Tune kya paya hai apni takdir se,

Aapki tasvir dil ke aaine ko dikhayi,

Aur kaha-

Aisa dost paya hai duniya ki bheed se……

Wife- oh, jara dheere karo, rajdhani express kyon chala rahe ho, mal gadi chala.

Itne me beta bed se gira aur bola-

Sala jo marji chalao, par sawari ko to mat girao…..

Dua mile dosto se,

Saath mile aapno se,

Khushiyan mile jag se,

Daulat mile rab se,

Pyaar mile sab se,

Ye dua hai rab se ki-

Aap khush rahe hamesha sabse……

Ek kuwari ladki ki medical report galti se change ho gayi.

Doctor bola- you are preganent.

Ladki boli- ya khuda ab to apni ungli par bhi bharosa nahi raha……..

Uth kar dekhiye raat ka nazara,

Hawa bhi hai thandi,

Mausam bhi hai pyasa,

So gaya suraj, aur

Uth gaya har 1 tara,

Kabul ho aapko-

Salam-e-raat humara…

Zindgi dhalne lagi to gham na hoga,

Pyaar bichadne lage to gham na hoga,

Lekin ek uska vishwas jab dhokha dega,

To wo sadma meri mout se kam na hoga…….

A pair of powerful spectacles to cure a person in love….

About Sachin Tendulkar-

His jersey no. is 10.

Age 37 = 3+7=10

Height 5”5 =5+5=10

WC win date 2/4/2011 = 2+4+2+0+1+1=10

Win after 28 years 2+8=10

Also its 10^th WC of Cricket.

Truly “10dulkar”

=Tendulkar

Har khushi me kuchh nami reh jayegi,

Aankhein thodi shabnami reh jayegi,

Jindgi ko aap kitna bhi sawarein,

Bin humare koi kami reh jayegi……

Dhokha diya hai apne hi yaar ne,

Jab hum the pagal uske pyaar me,

Ab gumsum baithe hain akele tanhayi me,

Khoon ke aansu rote hain uski judaai me…..

In disagreements with your loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past….

Is this success or failure---

I understood that she too fell in love with me, when she gave her marriage invitation to me with tears in her eyes…

Fiza per asar hawaon ka hota hai,

Mohabbat per asar adaon ka hota hai,

Koi aise hi kisi ka diwana nahin hota,

Kuchh to asar nigahon ka bhi hota hai…

Na wo sapna dekho, jo tut jaye

Na wo hath thamo, jo chhut jaye

Mat aane do kisi ko kareeb itna ki-

Uske dur jane se insaan khud se ruth jaye…

Arz kiya hai-

Muskurana to har ladki ki ada hai.

Wah wah.

Gaur farmayiyega-

Muskurana to har ladki ki ada hai

Use jo mohabbat samajhe,

Wo sabse bada gadha hai……

Look the bed is calling you,

See the dreams are waiting for you,

Listen the birds are silent for you,

Hear my heart says-

GOOD NIGHT for you…..

Lal rang ki chunri se saja maa ka darwar,

Harsit hua man,

Pulkit hua sansar,

Nanhe kadmo se maa aye aapke dwar,

Mubarak ho aapko Navratri or Chhath Pooja ka pawan tyohar……….

Ladki jab sare kapde utaar deti hai,

Toh kya hota hai?

Socho—

Almari khali ho jati hai.

God bless your mind……..

Dabangg style Indian team to Pak team-

Mohali mein itne chauke marenge ki confuse ho jaoge ki boundry pe khade ho ya border per…..

I would cross a thousand oceans just to hold you tight.

I had climb a thousand mountains just to be with you every single night…..

Aise kisi insaan ki duniya misal de,

Me usse dard mangu, to wo dil nikal ke de

Rab jane kiski dua mere sath hai,

Me dubna bhi chahu, to dariya uchhal de…..

Mohabbat ke anjaam ki perwah nahi karte,

Ae dost

Jo marte hai kisi ek par,

Wo bar bar dil ka sauda kiya nahi kerte…..

Foolo me khilo tum,

Foolo me jhulo tum,

Meri to yahi tamanna hai ki-

Mujhe na bhulo tum…

Bahut khubsurat hai ye dua humari,

Phoolon ki tarah mehkey ye jindgi tumhari,

Mujhe kya chahiye aur jindgi me,

Kabhi khatm na ho ye dosti humari…….

Mujhe gham ki

Raaton ki tanhayiyon me,

Wo masum chehra bahut yaad aaya,

Kisi ne bhi ponche na jab mere aanshu,

Tab uska dupatta bahut yaad aaya……

Kahin andhera kahin shaam hogi,

Meri her khushi aapke naam hogi,

Kuchh mang ke dekho humse,

Meri jaan bhi aapke naam hogi…..

Mujhse kaha ki tum na jaago sari raat,

Jo ho naseeb me wahi hoga tumhare sath,

Maine to maan li unki baat,

Par –

Pata nahi ab kyon nahi soti wo sari raat…….

Bahut kuchh hai dost dil ki ghahrayiyon me,

Tadap jata hai dil raat ki tanhayiyon me,

Dost to bahut hain kehne ko per-

Bada fark hai saayon me,

Aur parchayiyon me…

Ye phool, ye kaliyan, ye mousam sab kudrat ke hasin nazare hain,

Hum msg sirf unhe karte hain,

Jo hume apni jaan se pyaare hain……

Ye kaisa humara milan hai,

Jab bhar ke ek duje ko chhu nahin sakte,

Pyaar karte hain tumse beintaha,

Magar –

Tera dulha bankar tere ghar reh nahin sakte…

Chahat hai ki rab mila de aapse,

Ye aarzoo hai ki dor bandhi rahe aapse,

Bas ek baat ki umeed hai aapse,

Dil se dur na karna agar-

Hum dur bhi rahe aapse……..

To ,

The khas dost

In my heart,

Sub – I miss you a lot.

Oye,

I beg to say that, I am alone just having your memories, so kindly miss me so that I can get a Hichki.

Ladki sath ho to hotel bill,

Ladki dur ho to phone bill,

Aur-

Ladki dur hi ho jaye to-

Daru ka bill

Isliye na lagao dil,

Na aayega bill.

Please save….

In a cricket ground-

Security- cricket match is over now. Why are you still sitting?

Santa – oye yaar, I am waiting for highlights…….

Tamna thi uske salwar ka nara kholne ki,

Uski bra ka huk todne ki,

Uski panty ki lastic khichne ki,

Per dekho uski bewafai,

Sali nangi chali aayi…..

Combined study is meeting with lover.

Where all aspects of world will be discussed except studies…..

Pray that success will not come any faster than you are able to endure it.

-elbert hubbard

Dosti ki galiyon me koi gham na ho,

Humari ye dosti kabhi kam na ho,

Aapko mile har roj,

Nayi-nayi girl-friend-

Jinki umar 80 se kam ho…….

Wo din, din nahi

Wo raat, raat nahi

Jis pal teri yaad nahi

Mujhe tumse meri mout hi juda kar sakti hai,

Lekin shayad usme bhi itni aukat nahi….

Nighao me tasvir unki,

Hotho pe unka naam hai,

Har sanso me unka ehsas hai,

Itni chahat hai unke liye,

Fir bhi wo humari chahat se anjaan hain…

Yaad karke aapko jeeta hai koi,

Sanso me aapko mehsus kerta hai koi,

Mout to aani hai ek din,

Par aapse dur rehke har pal marta hai koi…

The best outcome of decriminalisation of BBSR Act 377.

Ab to saala bhi aadha ghar wala hai……

Ek lady doctor se- meri chut me makhi ghus gai.

Doctor- land per gud lagakar nikalta hun.

Doctor land dalkar chodne laga.

Doctor- under hi maarunga………

Always welcome your problems.

Because problems gives you dual advice—

One you can know how to solve it, and

Other how to avoid it in future……

Whatever we do,

We must remember our aim at every moment,

If you dream to fly with eagles,

Don’t waste time in swimming with ducks……

Chahat kisi ki gulam nahi hoti,

Mohabbat kabhi sare-aam nahi hoti,

Kaise bhul jaye tumhe sms kerna,

Kyonki humari service kabhi jaam nahi hoti….

Only two persons on this earth will be extremely happy.

One who gets everything in love,

And-

The one who does not know what is love……

Reh na paoge kabhi bhula ke dekh lo,

Yakin na ho to aazma ke dekh lo,

Har jagah mehsus hogi humari kami,

Apni mehfil ko kitna bhi saja ke dekh lo……

JOKE, SHAYARI & POEMs

Monday, April 11, 2011

Ek bachpan ka zamana tha

NAWADA(BIHAR-INDIA):------

1983 & 2011 cricket world cup-

About Sachin Tendulkar-

Keep healthy-

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Aapki surat kitni pyaari hai