My eyes waiting for your face

My eyes waiting for your face,

My ears waiting for your voice,

My lips ready to talk to you,

And

My mobile waiting for your sweet sms…..

 

Rajnikant was swimming in ocean. He felt thirsty & just drunk a sip of water.

Now the ocean is called-----

Sahara Desert.

 

 

Where is located the headquarters of Central Bee Research and Training Institute?

                                                                                                                                        - Pune.

 

 

 

Kisi ne hume rulaya to kya bura kiya,

Dil ko dukhaya to kya bura kiya,

Hum to pehle se hi tanha the,

Kisine ehsas dilaya to kya bura kiya…..

 

 

 

Kisi mod pe hum tumko khone nahin denge,

Juda hona chaho to hone nahin denge,

Chandani raaton me aayegi meri yaad,

Meri yaad ke wo pal tumko sone nahin denge….

 

 

 

Wo aankh badi hi pyaari thi,

Jo usne humko mari thi,

Hum to muft me pit gaye,

Ae dost,

Hume kya pata tha ki-

Unko baba ramdev ki bimari thi…..

 

 

 

I wish,

I break my rib to make a pen,

Cut my skin to make a paper,

Take my blood to make an ink,

And

Write to you that-

“I LOVE YOU”.

 

 

Wada hai aapki dosti sada khas rahegi,

Yaadon ki jhalak dil ke pass rahegi,

Nahin bhulenge aapko aur apki dosti ko,

Jab tak is jism me akhiri saans rahegi…..

 

 

 

Shaam ko wo milne aayenge bhi,

Aur dowara aane ka wada bhi karenge,

Na samjhenge tumko bewafa,

Wo tumhari har baat ke aitbaar karenge….

 

 

 

Log apna banake chhod dete hain,

Rishta gairon se jod lete hain,

Hum to ek phool bhi na tod sake,

Log to dil bhi tod dete hain…..

 

 

Question:- wo kya cheez hai jo wife apne husband ko saari umar nahi lene deti?

Answer:- chain ki saans ke do pal..

 

 

Mayawati:- mujhe sab yaad karte hain, meri maa ko koi yaad nahin karta.

Secretary:- madem, U.P. me jab light jati hai, log aapki maa ko bhi yaad karte hain…

 

 

Taaron ki chadar,

Chand ka takiya,

Suhana ho mausam,

Aur –

Phoolon ki khatiya,

Sapno me ho kisi apno se batiya,

Aisi ho aapki aaj ki ratiya,

Subh raatri…..

 

 

 

Beautiful tomorrow never comes,

When it comes,

Its already today,

In the wait of beautiful tomorrow,

Don’t waste your wonderful today……

 

 

Subah ka mausam aur aapki yaad,

Halki si thandak aur chai(tea) ki taalash,

Yaara di yaari aur yaari di mithas,

Suru kijiye apna din-

Mere Good Morning ke saath……

 

 

 

When am defeated, I never wait for someone help me.

Because the world mayn’t show the correct person but my Mirror always does.

TRUST YOURSELF……

 

 

Jab bhi gali me chalo,

Nazare jhuka ke chalo,

Kyonki-

Aisa karne se na sirf aapki izzat barehgi,

Balki-

Gire hue kuchh paise milne

Ke chance bhi badh jayenge…..

 

 

 

Boss- tumne jis ladki ko secretary ki job par rakha hai, use to Grammar hi nahi aati.

Sonu- aap ne Grammar kaha tha. Me samajha Glamour kaha hai…

 

 

Nanhe se dil me arman koi rekhna,

Duniya ki bhid me pehchan koi rekhna,

Achchhe nahi lagte jab rehte ho udaas,

In hothon pe sada muskaan wahi rekhna…..

 

 

Aapse dur hum itna ho jaayenge,

In taaron me dekhna kahin kho jaayenge,

Aaj meri perwah nahi aapko,

Dekhna ek din had se jyada hum yaad aayenge…..

 

 

 

Mohabbat mujhe tha usise,

Yaadon me uski tadapta raha maut bhi,

Meri chahat ko rok na saki kabra bhi,

Kabra me bhi ye dil dhadakta raha…..

 

 

Kabhi pasand na aaye sath mera toh bata dena,

Hum dil pe patthar rakh ke-

Tumhe goli maar denge………

 

 

 

Tarasta hai dil teri sada ke liye,

Meri mohabbat teri wafa ke liye,

Hum aur kuchh nahin maangte tum se,

Bas naaak saaf kar lo khuda ke liye…….

 

 

 

Girl- its so cold here.

Boy- want my jacket?

Girl- no, I want you to wrap me in your arms.

Boy smile & said- “THARKI”….

 

 

Hum bhul jaayen use,

Aisi dil ki hasarat kahan,

Wo yaad kare humein,

Itni use fursat kahan,

Jinke chaaron taraf ho apno ka saath,

Unko ab hamari jarurat kahan…..

 

 

Gumon ki barasat samete baitha hun,

Kisi bewafa se dhoka khaye baitha hun,

Jaane kab dega uparwala maut mujhe,

Khuda ke bharose aas lagaye baitha hun….

 

 

 

I never expect you to remember me.

But I always drop my messages in your inbox to show-

“I still love to remember you.”

 

 

Santa- aaj mera beta 1^st class me aaya.

Master- very good kis me aaya?

Santa- rajdhani express train me aaya…..

 

 

Santa- english me jhopadi ko kya kehte hain?

Banta- hut.

Santa- english aati nahin to, daant te kyon ho…

 

 

 

Jab girlfriend MSG kare to,

Kabhi ye mat socho ki-

Aapki girlfriend ne aapko kitna romantic msg bheja hai,

Hamesha ye socho ki-

Usko kisne bheja hoga?......

 

 

 

Jinko aaye na nibhane mohabbat,

Wo kya kisi ko abaad karenge,

Uth kar royenge raaton ko tab,

Jab pyaar mera wo yaad karenge….

 

 

 

Logon ke dilon me apna mukaam is tarah bana lo ki-

Mar jao to tumhare liye dua karen,

Or zinda ho to tumse milne ko tarsein….

 

 

 

A last ball six,

A last ball wicket,

A last minute goal,

A last minute move often wins the game,

That’s why we are still confident,

That a last day study can win an EXAM…..

 

 

Aansu aa jate hain rone se pehle,

Khwaw tut jate hain sone se pehle,

Log kehte hain mohabbat gunah hai,

Per kash koi rok leta ise hone se pehle….

 

 

 

Manzil ko jaate parindo,

Ko jo dekha,

To khyal aaya-

Koi muntazir hota to hum bhi,

Kab ke-

Laut gaye hote….

 

 

 

To,

The A.C.P.

Police Station

Sir,

My friend forgot to SMS me,

I kindly request you to take action

imediately & encounter the useless mobile……..

 

 

 

Hospital attendance----

Langda – present sir.

Kana- present sir.

Andha- present sir.

Mental-

Mental-

Beta SMS baad me padh liyo,

Teri absent lag jaayegi…….

 

 

 

 

Always try to spend few seconds for your friends even you are busy.

Because-

One day you can get free time but not your friends back…..

 

 

Kyon mera dil dukhate ho,

Kyon mujhse har baat chhupate ho,

Mera to dil hi tut gaya,

Ye sun kar ki-

Aap VIM BAR se nahate ho…..

 

 

 

Smile stops when we close lips,

Dreams end when we open eyes,

Love ends when we stop beliving,

But-

Friendship ends when we stop disturbing…..

 

 

 

Akbar- kal maine sapna dekha ki tum

Gobar me gir gaye ho, aur me shahad(honey) me.

Birbal- ji maharaj, fir me aapko chatne laga,

Aur aap mujhe…..

 

 

 

Santa ne challenge kiya---

“ki wo kutubminar ko sir pe rakh ke mumbai le jaayega”.

Saare news wale pahunch gaye,

Tab santa bola-

“bas koi utha ke mere sir pe rakh de”…..

 

 

 

Sudhakar - 3 bister kyon lagaye?

Prerana – ghar me 3 guest aane wale hain.

Sudhakar- kaun-kaun?

Prerana- nani ka beta,

                  Mummy ka bhai,

                  Aur mere mama.

Sudhakar- fir ek aur laga.

Prerana- kyon?

Sudhakar- mera sala bhi aayega….

 

 

 

 

Santa chupke se nark se swarg me ghusa.

Devtaon ne pakad ke khub mara.

Uske baad uth ke santa bola-

Salon, tumhari inhi harkato ke karan,

Koi bhi swarg nahi aata……..

 

 

 

Udasi bhi muskaaan ban jayegi,

Rukti huie saanse bhi jaan ban jayegi,

Bhej dijiye hawaon me apni khushboo,

Who hi humari khushi ka

Farman ban jayegi…

 

 

 

Hasaati hai koi mujhko,

Fir rula bhi deti hai,

Kar ke wo mujhse wadein,

Akshar bhula bhi deti hai,

Ajib mizaj hai uska,

Mohabbat bhi rakhti hai aur,

Nazron se gira bhi deti hai……

 

 

 

 

Santa office ja raha tha.

Biwi pyaar se boli- see you in the evening.

Santa gusse se-

Dhamki kise de rahi hai,

Me bhi dekh lunga tujhe…..

 

 

Dur hain aap, per milne ki aas hai,

Man ko har pal ek ehsaas hai,

Yun to hazaron hain aapke apne magar,

Aap kal bhi khaas the,

Aur

Aaj bhi khaas hain……

 

 

1 machchhar,

1 takle ke sar par ja baitha.

Dusra machchhar bola-

                                         Waah kya ghar dhundha hai,.

Pehla machchhar bola-

                                          Ghar kahan re, abhi to sirf PLOT kharida hai….

 

 

 

Santa- baju ke ghar se IODEX maang ke le aa.

Wife- wo log nahin denge.

Santa- haan, bade kanjus aur kaminey log hain,

Chal apni hi aalmari se nikal le…..

 

 

 

Santa- tum bhikh kyon mangte ho?

Hatte-katte ho kuchh kaam kyon nahin karte ho?

Bhikhari- sahab, kaam to tabhi karun

                                                                   Jab fursat mile…….

 

 

 

Kabhi to dil udaas hota hai,

Halka sa aankhon ko ehsaas hota hai,

Chhalakte hian mere bhi aankhon se aansu,

Jab kisi se dur hone ka ehsaas hota hai…….

 

 

 

 

Tantrik – tumhare ghar pe bhootani ka saya hai.

Bhakt- marunga sale,

Agar meri biwi ke bare me kuchh kaha to…..

 

 

 

 

EGO-

It is a disease in which we have the tendency

To keep hurtin’ the person who cares for us…….

 

 

Friend book-

Name-

Pet name-

Hobby-

Birth date-

Favourite hero-

Favourite heroin-

About me-

Please reply me on……..

 

 

 

Beta- agar aapko pata chale ki me 1^st division pass hua , to aapko kaisa lagega?

Papa- me to khushi se pagal ho jaaunga.

Beta- bas issi dar se me fail ho gaya….

 

 

 

 

Sharabi road pe pada tha.

Police- itni kyon pee hai bey?

Sharabi- mazburi thi.

Police- kya?

Sharabi- botal ka dhakkan gum ho gaya tha……

 

 

 

Badi koshish ke baad use bhula diya,

Uski yaadon ko sine se mita diya,

1 din uska khat aaya-

Mujhe bhul jao.

Aur

Bhula hua har lamha yaad dila diya……

 

 

 

 

Agar koi tumse pyaar ka izhaar karti hai,

Ye mat samajhna ki-

Wo tumpe marti hai.

Honge uske chahnewale bahut,

Wo time pass tumse,

Aur-

Love kisi aur se karti hai…..

 

 

 

Subah ka ujaala sada sath ho,

Har din har pal aapke liye khaas ho,

Dil se dua nikalti hai aapke liye,

Saari khushiyan aapke pass ho….

 

 

 

Search a beautiful heart but don’t ,

Search a beautiful face,

Beautiful thing,

Aren’t always good but-

Good things are always beautiful…..

 

 

 

Bahut chahti hai, per iqrar nahi karti

Wo pagal hai ya nadan,

Kyon izhar nahi karti,

English me kehti hai- “I LOVE YOU”

Aur-

Hindi me kehti hai-

“ME PYAAR NAHIN KARTI”….

 

 

 

Modern day break ups-

Girl- I wana break up.

Boy- why?

Girl- because you didn’t comment on my picture in facebook…..

 

 

 

Teacher- naade ko english me kya kehte hain?

Golu- P.H.D.

Teacher- kya matlab?

Golu- pajama holding divice….

 

 

 

Teacher- sabse jyada pagal koun log hote hain?

Sardar utha.

Teacher- shabbash bete batao.

Sardar- jaan se maar dunga,

Kisi ne sardaron ka naam liya to……

 

 

 

 

Mohabbat ke rashte me har waqt dard milega,

Mohabbat ke rashte me har waqt dard milega,

Meri mano,

Isi rashte par

Medical store khol lo,

Mast chalega……

 

 

 

 

I don’t promise you the moon,

I don’t promise you the star,

But if you promise to remember me,

I promise to be always there,

Thinking you on this day-

HAPPY PROMISE DAY….

 

 

 

Kehne ko shabd nahin hain,

Bhejne ko naye SMS nahin hain,

Per dil se ek baat kehte hain,

Apna khyal rekhna kyonki-

Mere pass aap jaise dusra dost nahin hain….

 

 

 

 

What is solar eclipse?

When rajnikant stares at the sun in anger & the sun hides behind the moon saying-

                                        “MUMMY”.

This phenomena is called solar eclipse…

 

 

 

 

Mother teresa-

SKOPJE- capital of MACEDONIA. Mother Teresa birth-place.

 

 

 

Life is so unfair.

1^st it gives us so much time to be together,

So we know each other,

And

When we know each other very well,

We have no time to be together….

 

 

 

Today (20 March, 2011) is “SUPER MOON” DAY.

Full Moon seen largest & nearest to Earth.

Happence once in 18 years.

Best time to see 03:30AM.(from Indian time)

 

 

 

Jo bhul huie use nahin doharayenge,

Kisi ko ab hum kabhi nahin satayenge,

Bhugat rahe hain kisi se dur hone ki sazaa,

Ab chah ke bhi kisi ko apna nahin banayenge….

 

 

 

 

Holi premacha rang,

Aanandach pani,

Yashachi udhalan aani

Samruddhichi pichkari..

HAPPY HOLI……

 

 

 

 

“if you are born poor, it is not your mistake; but if you die poor, it is your mistake…”

                                                                                                                        -prabhakar

 

 

 

 

Rakesh Sharma-

                                    India’s 1^st space man(5 April, 1984).

Dolly-

                        The 1^st wholly Indian test tube baby( born on 7 Aug , 1986)……

 

 

 

I want to send my hearties wishes to the Special occasion of “HOLI” festival. Hope you enjoy and do lots of fun. HAPPY HOLI……..

 

 

 

“One thing I learned from life is that getting ‘UPSET’ willn’t help.

Always getting ‘UP’ to ‘SET’ the things right will become easier.”

                                                                                                                                  -prabhakar

 

 

 

Mornings are refreshing like friendship,

It mayn’t stay all day long,

But-

For sure it comes forever everyday.

GOOD MORNING…….

 

 

 

 

I love you for your gentle hands ,that melt away my pain.

I love you for your loving heart, that made mine beat again…..

 

 

 

“If you can still SMILE when you are completely broken up,

Then there can be nothing that can break you next time.”

                                                                                                                        -prabhakar

 

 

Dekho ji,

Saaf kehna sukhi rehna.

Abhi msg kar diya hai,

Kyonki-

1 din baad paise katenge.

HAPPY HOLI in Advanced to you…..

Tyohar apni jagah hai,

Aur bill apni jagah..

 

 

 

 

Chintu naya naya Dabangg dekh kar aaya tha school me,

Sir- chintu, tumhare sare answers galat hain.

                 Marks de to kahan de?

Chintu- KAMAAL KARTE HO SIR JI, MARKS HI TO MANG RAHE HAI,

                CHUP CHAP DE DO WARNA, THAPPAD MAR KE BHI LE SAKTE       HAIN…

Sir- badtamiz.., kya bek raha hai?

Chintu- BADTAMIZ SE YAAD AAYA SIR JI, AAPKE PAPA KAISE HAIN?

SIR- gadhe, nikal ja class se.

Chintu- CHUP CHAP SE MARKS DE DO SIR, WARNA

                  ANSWER-PAPER ME ITNE CHHED KARUNGA ,

                   KI CONFUSE HO JAOGE KI-

                   MARKS KAHAN DE, AUR ZERO KAHAN……

 

 

 

 

“I wait for someone till I have patience.

Once my patience ends that someone has to wait for me forever.”

                                                                                                                                   -prabhakar

 

 

 

Gam na karna kabhi jindgi me,

Kyonki taqdir badalti rehti hai,

Dil ka sheesha to wahi rehta hai,

Magar-

Bas tasveer badalti rehti hai…….

 

 

 

 

Aaj izhar bhi muskil hai us mohabbat ka,

Jispe hum kadam kadam kurban huye,

Ye waqt bhi kaisa waqt hai,

Jaan se hum bejaan hue……

 

 

 

 

“Our life begins with our cry,

Our life ends with other cry,

Try to utilize this gap & laugh as much as possible-

Stay HAPPY always….”

                                                                                          -prabhakar

 

 

 

 

Safar mohabbat ka chalta rahe,

Suraj har sham dhalta rahe,

Kabhi naa dhale apni Milan ki subah,

Chahe har rishta rang badalta rahe…

 

 

 

Gao ki gori bari hi bholi,

Bra utar kar bed per soli,

Ghaghra utar kar panty kholi,

Panty khol kar mujhse boli-

Nikal le banduk , chala de goli.

HAPPY HOLI…..

 

 

 

 

Fulon ke gandh me aap hain,

Pichkari ke rangon me aap hain,

In hasin wadiyon ke fizaon me aap ho,

Har ek ki sanso me base aap ho,

Har kisi ke dilon me rehte sirf aap ho,

Lekin aapke msg me harpal-

Sirf HUM-HI-HUM hai…..

 

 

 

 

“ sometime situation makes you to hate someone,

But don’t hate that person,

Just hate that situation.”

                                                                                                     -prabhakar

 

 

 

 

Agar 2 doston ke biech kabhi ladai na ho,

And sab kuchh salon tak achchha chal raha ho,

To samajh lena ki-

1 dost dilse Dosti nibha raha hai & dusra dimag se…

 

 

 

 

“don’t worry if others don’t understand you.

Worry only if you can’t understand yourself.

Live life & love life.”                                                                           -prabhakar

Heart received “LOVE”,

Heart received “LOVE”,

Mind received “KNOWLEDGE”,

Ear received “MUSIC”,

Eyes received “BEAUTY”,

But my Heart receive-------

“Your FRIENDSHIP”.

 

I KNOW YOU HATE ME,

BUT THE DAY-

WHEN YOU WILL KNOW THE “TRUTH”,

YOU WILL HATE YOURSELF….

 

 

Loving someone doesn’t need a reason,

If you can explain why you love someone,

Its called -------- LIKE,

If you cann’t explain,

Its simply called -------- LOVE….

 

 

Dard bhara Nagma hu, naa gungunana tum

Tuta khwab hu, mujhe bhul jana tum

Ye zakhm tere pyaar ki nishani hai

Bhulkar bhi in par Marham naa lagana tum….

 

 

Mere khwabon me aana aapka kasur tha,

Aapse dil lagana humara kasur tha,

Aap aaye the zindgi me pal – 2 – pal ke liye,

Aapko zindgi samajh lena humara kasur tha…..

 

 

Ek phool ajib tha,

Humare bhi bahut kareeb tha,

Jab hum chahne lage use khud se bhi jyada,

To pata chala ki wo humse bhi jyada kisi aur ke kareeb tha….

 

 

Khamoshi uski mujhpe barasti hai,

Meri har aah uska dard samajhti hai,

Malum hai ki majboor hai wo,

Phir bhi meri nazar uske didaar ko tarasti hai….

 

 

In which American city was the first MARDI GRAS Celebration held in 1827?

                                                                                                                          ----- New Orleans..

 

 

High tech generation:----

A 21^st century kid to another - I never want to have kids. Because they take 9 months to download…

 

 

Kya karunga uska intezaar karke,

Jab chali gayi wo mujhe barbaad karke,

Socha tha apna bhi ek jaha hoga,

Magar mili sirf tanhayi use pyaar karke….

 

 

Be talented in front of everyone,

But always be a fool in front of our dear ones,

It is a beautiful secret of Love….

 

 

Phool se pehle khushboo ko dekho,

Karne se pehle kaam ko dekho,

Kisi ke roop me diwana naa bano,

Surat se pehle uske dil ko dekho…….

 

 

Dard ne kisi ko tarpaya naa hota,

Aankho ne kisi ko rulaya naa hota,

Khushi hi khushi hoti har kisi ke pass,

Agar rab ne Ishq banaya naa hota…..

 

 

Maths teacher- agar tumhari dono pocket me 1000/- ho to kya sochoge?

Santa – me sochunga ki kahin maine Papa ki paint to nahin pahen liya hai….

 

 

Teacher- tumne home work kyon nahin kiya?

Deadly answer given by Sardar - sir, kyonki hum to “HOSTEL” me rehte hain….

 

 

Hum jaante hai ki aapko bhula nahin sakte,

Per chah kar bhi aapke pass aa nahin sakte,

Yahan tak aati hai mehak aapki,

Kya thodi si himmat karke aap NAHA nahin sakte…….

 

 

Faizaon ke badalane ka intezaar mat kar,

Aandhiyon ke rukne ka intezaar mat kar,

Pakad kisi ko aur faraar ho jaa,

Papa ki pasand karne tak ka intezaar mat kar…..

 

 

Kuchh lamhe aur uska sath chahta tha,

Aankhon me thami thi wo barsat chahta tha,

Janta hu bahut chahti thi wo magar,

Uski zubaan se ek baar izhaar chahta tha…..

 

 

Sardar ne apni girl friend ke kandhe pe hath rakha aur,

Bahut dhire se bola- I LOVE YOU.

Girl friend- jor se bolo.

Sardar- JAI MATA DI….

 

 

Santa ne nai ki dukaan kholi,

Banta shave karane aaya,

Santa- muchhein rakhni hai.

Banta – haa.

Santa – (muchhein kaat ker) le rakh le jahan rakhni hai…..

 

 

Ashiyane hum nahin sajate,

Baagon me phool hum nahin khilate,

Humari ek pasand se tut jaayenge hazaron dil,

Isiliye to hum koi “Girl-Friend” nahin banate….

 

 

World cup winners—

1975—West Indies

1979—West Indies

1983—India

1987—Australia

1992—Pakistan

1996—Sri Lanka

1999, 2003 & 2007 --- Australia

 

 

Tamam koshis ke babjud me har gaya,

Wo use mil gayi jisne use manga nahin,

Sabse punchha tere naa milne ka sabab,

Sabne kaha wo tere naseeb me hi nahin…

 

 

Ek lafz me kya tarif karun,

Aap lafzo me kaise samaoge,

Bas itna jan lo ke-

Jab dosti ke bare me puchhoge to,

Aankhon me aapka Cartoon Chehra nazar aayega…..

 

 

Intezaar to hum bhi kiya karte hain,

Aapse jaldi milne ka aas kiya karte hain,

Meri yaad hichkiyon ki mohtaaz nahin,

Hum to aapko sanso ke sath yaad kiya kerte hain…

 

 

Dosti karo to hamesha Muskura ke,

Kisi ko dhokha naa do Apna bana ke,

Kar lo yaad jab tak hum Zinda hain,

Phir naa kehna chale gaye Dil me yaad basa ke….

 

 

Har khamosh chehra SAD nahin hota,

Har insan BAD nahin hota,

Kaise kahun per ye such hai,

Har koi aapki tarah MAD nahin hota..

M – mera

A – achchha

D – dost..

 

 

Ho mubarak aapko ye suhani raat,

Mile khwabo me bhi khuda ka sath,

Khule jab aapki aankhein to,

Dhero khushiyan ho aapke sath…

 

 

Kyon yaad aati hai uski.,

Kyon palke bheeg jati hai meri,

Jahan jahan bhi gire mere Aansu,

Kyon Tasveer ban jaati hai uski……

 

 

Kaun kise dil me jagah deta hai,

Ped bhi sukhe patte gira deta hai,

Waaqif hain hum duniya ke riwazon se,

Dil bhar jata hai to har koi thukra deta hai…

 

 

Wife- agar me mar gayi, to tum dusri shaaadi karoge?

Santa – mere se ek hi galti hui hai, dubara nahin karunga…

 

 

Teacher- kaun sa parinda sab se tez udta hai?

Boy – hathi.

Teacher – nalayak, tera baap kya kerta hai?

Boy- Mumbai ke DON hain.

Teacher- shabbas, Hathi sahi jawab hai…

 

 

 

Bhakt- Bhagwan, mujhe dard de, dukh de, tension de, barbad kar de, mere pichhe har muskil laga de?

Bhagwan- abe sale, ek line me bol naa Girl-Friend chahiye….

 

 

 

Apsara Awards:-

Best Films- Dabangg,

Best Actor- Shahrukh Khan, Salman Khan, Hrithik Roushan

Best Actress- Katrina, Vidya, Anushka

Best Director- Kjo

Best Debut- Ranveer, Sonakshi

 

 

 

 

Bhikhari- a bhai 1 rupya dede 3 din se bhukha hu.

Pappu- 3 din se bhukha hai to 1 rupye ka kya karega?

Bhikhari- bazan dekhunga, kitna ghat gaya hai…

 

 

Mausam ko dekho kitna hasin hai,

Thandi hawa aur bheegi zamin hai,

Yaad aa rahi hai aapki kuchh baatein,

Aap bhi yaad kar rahe hongein itna yakin hai…

 

 

 

Mohabbat ko gunahgaar mat kerna,

Tum pyaar to kerna, magar izhaar naa kerna

Qurbani ka jazba tumhe virasat me mili hai,

Wo jaan agar mange to inkar naa kerna….

 

 

 

Who is the Managing Director of International Monetary Fund(IMF)?

                                                                                                     - Dominique Strauss – Kahn

 

 

Santa- meri pasand ki ladki ne mujhse shaadi nahin ki.

Banta- tune use bataya nahin ki, tera chacha Crorepati hai.

Santa- bataya tha.

Banta- to kya hua?

Santa- ab wo meri chachi hai…

 

 

 

We never get , what we want

We never want, what we get

We never have, what we like

We never like, what we have

Still we live,

This is LIFE…..

Dil me yaadon ko liye hain

Dil me yaadon ko liye hain,

Tum bin dost hum bahut akele hain,

Sab kuchh chod kar tumhe sms karte hain,

Dekho hum tumhe kitna miss karte hain….

 

Rishta banaya hai to nibhayenge

Har pal aapko hasayenge

Pata hai-

Aapko to fursat nahin yaad karne ki

Lo ab hum hi aapko apni yaad dilate hain..

 

 

English teacher- who killed the cat, begin this sentence with by.

Tintumon- by the by, who killed the cat?

 

A husband said to his wife- no, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like your.

 

1 mandir tha, jisme buri niyat wale log gayab ho jaate the.

Salman gaya – wo gayab

Hrithik gaya – wo gayab

Imran gaya – wo gayab

Mallika gayi – bhagwan gayab…

 

 

Log har mod pe ruk ruk ke samhalte kyon hain,

Itna darte hain to fir ghar se nikalte kyon hain,

Me na jugnu hu, na diya

Fir roshni wale mere naam se jalte kyon hain…

 

 

Dil se na puchho baki waqt kitna hai

Saanso se na puchho baki khel kitna hai

Puchho jalte hue murdo se ki-

Jindgi me gam,

Aur,

Kafan me chain kitna hai………

 

 

Apne dil ki duniya me usko bhula na sake,

Bahut koshish ki magar pa na sake,

Kisi aur ko bana liya usne apna,

Fir bhi aakhiri dam tak usko bhula na sake….

 

Tasvir teri aankhon me chupali hai maine,

Teri yaad apne dil me basa li hai maine,

Jeene ko to sabhi ji lete hain,

Tumhe apni saans bana li hai maine…

 

 

Biwi - dear, tum mujhe kitna pyaar karte ho?

Pati – main tumse itna pyaaar karta hu ki-

Tumhara jhutha zaher bhi pee sakta hun, aazma lena….

 

 

Sawere sawere ho khushiyon ka mela,

Na logon ki parwah, na duniya ka jhamela

Panchiyon ka sangeet ho, ya mausam albela

Mubarak ho apko aaj ka sawera…

 

 

Santa – koi lambi umar ka tareeka batayiye.

Doctor – shaadi kar lo.

Santa – kya isse umar lambi ho jayegi?

Doctor – nahin,, ye shauk khatm ho jayega..

 

 

Aaj ki bahut khubsurat aur pyaari baat-------

Khuda ne farmaya agar –

Maine tamam baatein takdir me likhi hoti,

To apne bando ko dua mangna na sikhata…..

 

 

Paani me pathar mat phenko, kyonki-

Use koi aur bhi pita hai,

Zindgi jine ke liye hai

Use muskura kar jiyo, kyonki-

Aapko dekh kar koi aur bhi jita hai…

 

 

Chuhe ko billi lagi gori,

Dono milne lage chori chori,

Chuha bola wo gori-

Aa Khelein aankh michauli,

Billi chuhe ko mar ke khayi aur boli---

I hate love story…..

 

 

Who is the secretary general of Saarc?

                                                                                       -dr. sheelkant sharma

 

TRAI- telecom regulatory authority of india

It is established by the government to regulate the tele communication business in india….

 

Banta – kyon ro raha hai?

Santa – meri murgi mar gayi.

Banta – mera baap mara par me to roya nahi.

Santa – tera baap kya ande deta tha…….

 

 

America me light jaye to power office me phone karte hai.

Japan me jaye to fuse check karte hai,

But India me jaye to pados ke ghar dekhte hai-

Sabki gayi na…..

 

 

Aap itne achchhe lagte ho,

Dil ko mere bhate ho,

Kasam se wo ada to aapki jaan le leti hai,

Jab jukhaam me aap

Naak se gubbara fulaate ho…..

 

 

Kyun Ishq duniya me bANaya mere khuda,

Ek pal chain na paye unke bina hum,

Marna bhi chahu to nikle na dam,

Ye kaisa rog lagaya mere khuda…

 

 

Aaina dekhogi to meri yaad aayegi,

Sath gujri wo mulakat yaad aayegi,

Pal bhar ke liye waqt thahar jayegi,

Jab aapko meri koi baat yaad aayengin…

 

 

Kaam karo aisa ki pehchaan ban jaye,

Har kadam aisa rakho ki nishan ban jaye,

Yaha jindgi to sabhi kaat lete hai,

Jindgi jiyo aise ki misal ban jaaye….

 

 

Sah liya har gam haste haste,

Ujad gaya ghar mera baste baste,

Ab wafa kare to kisse kare-

Wafa karne gaye to bewafa hi mili raste raste…….

 

 

Har koi tumsa khaas nahi hota,

Jo khaas hota hai, wo kabhi paas nahi hota

Yakin na aaye to chand ko hi dekho

Jisko dur hote hue bhi duri ke ehsas nahi hota….

 

 

1 jaise dost sare nahi hote,

Kuchh apne hokar bhi, humare nahi hote

Aap se dosti karne ke baad mehsus hua-

Kaun kehta hai ki jameen par taare nahi hote…

 

 

Aaye hai dard ki mehfil me bahane lekar,

Apne gumshum hothon pe tarana lekar,

Khuda salamat rakhe unko aaye

Hai jo mehfil me dil diwana lekar…

 

 

Santa ne pco pe jate hi pco wale ko 2 thappad laga diye.

Sochon kyon----

.

/

.

/

.

Bcoz pco ke bahar likha tha dial karne ke pehle 2 lagaye……..

 

 

 

Todna hota to rishte na banate,

Umeed na hoti to sapane na sajate,

Aitbar kiya hai aapke pyaar par,

Bharosa na hota to dil ka hissa na banate…

 

 

Girl – mujhe kyon dukh de rahe ho?

Tumhari koi behan nahi hai kya?

Boy – hai, esiliye to dekh raha hun..

Girl – kyun?

Boy – meri behan ko BHABHI chahiye..

 

 

Ek operation ke baad Patient bola- doctor sab kya me ab rog se mukt hu?

Jawaw mila – beta doctor to niche reh gaye, me to Chitragupt hu…

 

 

Santa – hum sher ke bachche hain, kisi se nahi darte.

Lalu – bhaak burbak, sher tohare ghar pe aaya raha, ya tohare amma jungle gayi rahi…

 

 

 

Everybody love a ROSE, but nobody loves a leaf which adds beauty to Rose.

Love them who makes your life beautiful, not who is beautiful..

 

 

Plz yaaar bahut ho gaya.

Apni girl friend ko samajha lo.

Mujhe phone karke kehti hai.ki-

14 feb ko mere sath date pe chalna hai…

 

 

Tum kya jano, kya hai Tanhai?

Toote patto se pucho, kya hai Judaai?

Bewafa ka ilzam na de jalim,

Waqt se pucho, kis waqt teri yaad na aayi…..

 

 

 

Teacher – is bird ke pair dekho, aur iska naam batao.

Student – pata nahi.

Teacher – tum fail ho gaye ,apna naam batao.

Student – mere pair dekh kar mera naam bataiye?....

 

 

Biwi – kya baat hai aaj bahut dino baad mera photo khincha hai?

Husband - kuchh nahi mere sar pe ab Wild-life photography ka bhut sabar ho gaya hai….

 

 

When I walk alone,

I wish to reach the end of the road.

But when you walk with me,

I will pray the road never ends. Be with me forever…

 

 

Bhul jana use jo tumhe bhula de,

Mat dekhna use jo tumhe rula de,

Par kabhi na hona dur us saqs se,

Jo apni aankhein bingo ker bhi tumhe hansaa de…

 

 

Santa ke pita USA se aaye.

Pita – teri maa kahan hai?

Santa – wo to mar gayi.

Pita - sale tune mujhe bataya kyon nahi?

Santa – maine socha aapko surprise dunga…

 

 

 

Har dil ka koi armaan hota hai,

Jo na samajhe wo nadaan hota hai.

Dil jise har pal yaad karta hai,

Wo dil ke dard se anjan hota hai…

 

 

Santa class me 1 gadha lekar aaya.

Teacher – ise kyon laye ho?

Santa – aapne hi to kaha tha, ki aapne kayi gadho ko insaan banaya hai, ab banao….

 

 

Kyon banaya mujhko ae banane wale,

Bahut gham dete hain ye zamane wale,

Maine aag ke ujaale me kuchh chehro ko dekha,

Humare apne hi the mere ghar ko jalane wale…..

 

 

 

Ladka – teer pe teer,

Talwar pe talwar,

Karti hai pyaar to utar de salwar.

Ladki – teer pe teer,

Talwar pe talwar,

Tere lund me hai dhar to chir de salwar…..

 

 

 

Phul gir sakte hai, par khushbu nahi

Chand dub sakta, par tare nahi

Nadi sukh sakti hai, par sagar nahi

Aapko duniya bhul sakti hai, par hum nahi…..

 

 

 

Kuchh ajib faslon ka janam ho raha hai,

Nasib mera jag kar bhi so raha hai,

Kaise keh du tuta dil dhadkta nahi,

Jabki dil ka har tukra ro raha hai…

 

 

 

Taras jaaoge 1 ada ke liye,

Behak jaaoge 1 nazar ke liye,

Na karo pyaaar me bewafai kabhi,

Barna jindgi bhar tadpoge kisi ke wafa ke liye….

1 Hathi, Cow aur 1 Gaddhe me

1 Hathi, Cow aur 1 Gadhe me bahas ho rhi thi, ki kaun best hai?

Hathi- me bhari saman uthata hu.

Cow- me dudh deti hu.

 

Kuch bolo ab aapki bari hai….

 

Anjan hai anjan hi rehne do,

Teri yado me pal-pal marne do,

Kyon badnam karti ho mera naam lekar,

Ab to is naam ko benaam hi rehne do….

 

Pyaar ka pehla naam Vishwas hai,

Aur dusra bewafai,

Dosti ka bhi pehla naam Vishwas hai,

Par,

Dusra naam hai

JINDGI ……..

 

 

Khuda dil ke iraade azmata hai,

Sapno ke parde aankhon se hatata hai,

Hausala mat harna jindgi me,

Kyonki-

Thoda sa dard hi insane ko jina sikhati hai…..

 

 

Santa- yar bahut raat ho gayi hai.

Aaj raat ko yahin ruk ja.

Kal subah chale jana.

Banta- thik hai yar phir me ghar se Night-dress le aata hu….

 

Na koi pal Subah hai,

Na koi pal Sham hai,

Har Lamha aapki Dosti ke naam hai,

Ise sirf SMS mat samajhana,

Ye hamari pyaari si Dosti ka Salam hai……

 

Hume SMS karma band mat karma,

Warna tumhare Mobile me itne

Ched karenge ki-

Confuse ho jaoge ki

Charge kahan se kare, aur

Baat kahan se……….

 

 

Duniya ki har khushi se aapki Mulakat ho,

Khubsurat har Din, Khushnuma har Raat ho

Khuda jab Khushiyan batane ko nikale,

To har din aapse hi Suruat ho………

 

Teacher ne Santa ko ped per ulta latkane ki saja di,

Thodi der baad Santa niche gir gaya,

Teacher- thak gaye?

Santa- nahi pack gaya tha….

 

 

Gussa ho,

Mujhse bologe nahi,

Sms nahi karoge,

Maf kar do na please,

Itni badi galti nahi thi,

Bas aapki punch per pair hi to rakh diya tha…..

 

 

Dil me Khuda hai,

Aankhon me Nasa hai,

Baton me Wafa hai,

Chahat me Ada hai,

Andaz bhi juda hai,

Isiliye to sab is ‘PRABHAKAR’

Pe phida hai….

 

 

Phool Shabanam me dub jate hain,

Jakhm Marham me dub jate hain,

Jab koi Sahara nahi milta hume,

Hum teri Yaadon me dub jate hain….

 

 

Kisi se kya Shikwa Karen,

Ye to Kismat ki baat hai,

Jise hum DIL se chahate the,

Wo aaj kisi aur ke sath hai…

 

 

Lalu- itne sare log Football ko lat kahe mar rahe hain.

Sardar- Goal karne ke liye.

Lalu- sasura gol hi to hai,

Aur kitna gol karenge?

 

 

Santa- dekh…dekh teri biwi ko saanp kat raha hai.

Banta- abbey wok at nahi raha.

.

/

.

Uska Zahar khatm ho gaya hai, to

Wo Recharge karwane aaya hai……

 

 

Banta- Boss, is Gaddar ka kya Karen?

Santa- ise Sui chubha kar mar do, aur

Sui iski side me rakh dena.

Police samajhegi Sui-side ka case hai…..

 

 

Lalu- ‘I LOVE YOU’ ka kya Matlab hota hai?

Soniya- me tumse Pyaar karti hun.

Lalu- lo karlo baaat,

Angreji me 1 sawal ka puchh liya,

Ye Sasuri Fida ho gayi hum pe….

 

 

Mom ki tarah pighalte dekha usko,

Raat ki tarah badalte dekha usko,

Jaane kis gam ko chupane ki tamanna hai,

Har baat pe Muskurate dekha usko,…..

 

 

Jindgi ne kayi sawalat badal diye,

Waqt ne halat badal diye,

Itne bure nahi the hum,

Naa jane kyon logon ne,

Apne khyalat badal diye….

 

 

Kaun kise DIL me jagah deta hai,

Ped bhi sukhe PATTE gira deta hai,

Waqif hai hum dunya ke riwazo se,

Dil bhar jaye to har koi Thukara deta hai…

 

 

Kabhi Shikayat na labo pe laayenge,

Dosti yun nibhayenge,

Koi tumhari Buraie mere samane karke to dekhe,

Kasam se hum bhi uski-

‘HA ME HA’ milayenge….

 

 

1 choti ladki shop pe gayi aur,

Boli jab me badi ho jaungi to mujhse Shadi karoge na,

Shopkeeper (hans ke) – ha karunga.

Ladki- to apni hone wali WIFE ko 1 Chocolate do…

 

 

 

Santa Tapasyaa karta hai.

Bhagwan – Var mango, Vats

Santa- ye kya kiya aapne,

Me to Vadhu ke liye Tapasya kar raha tha….

 

 

Girl- is valentine pe mujhe aisa Gift do , jo sabse Costly ho.

Boy- thik hai.

Girl- kya doge?

Boy- (sharmate hue)

‘ONION’

 

 

 

WORLD CUP WINNER-

1975- West Indies

1979- West Indies

1983- INDIA

1987- Australia

1992- Pakistan

1996- Sri Lanka

1999- Australia

2003- Australia

2007- Australia

 

 

The 1^st Computer Games were Played on Television appeared in –

                                                                                                                                            the 1970s

The Lion of the Punjab-

                                           LALA LAJPATH RAI

 

 

Once king Cobra bited Rajnikant,

After 5 days of Severe Pain.

Finally,

.

/

.

Cobra died…

 

 

I L… kaise kahu.

I Lo… kya karu.

I Lov…. Dekho bura mat manana.

I Lov… mujhe Galat mat samajhna.

.

/

.

/

.

I Love KITKAT….

 

 

Khud ko kar nalayak itna ki,

Koi bhi book padhne se pehle,

Uska har panna tumse khud puche,

Dost tabiyat to thik hai na,

Aaj kaise yaad aayi….

 

 

Santa ne apni biwi ko dost ke sath dekh,

Dost ko goli mar di,

To-

Biwi boli- apne gusse pe kabu rakho warna,

1 din sare doston se hath dho baithoge….

 

 

Chahat se ikrar na karte,

Uski kashmo ka aitbar na karte,

Agar pata hota hum kuchh nahi unke liye,

Jaan de dete ,per pyaar na karte..

 

 

INDIA ke kis State me ek bhi Airport nahi hai?

                                                                                                          -SIKKIM

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Pehala Bhayanak Joke of 2011

Pehala Bhayanak Joke of 2011.

Phone rings Tring, Tring.

1^st : Hello, Prakash hai.

2^nd : Nahi hai.

1^st : Nahi hai to Mombatti jala lo, ho jaayega..

 

 

Mujhse juda hote hi,

Apne haathon me,

Tune Menhadi rachaai hai.

Wah mere humdum,

Tune Bewafai bhi ,

Apno se hi nibhaie hai….

 

Conductor bachche se- Tum hamesha Darwaje pe khade rehate ho,

Tumhara baap Chokidar hai kya.

Bachcha- Tu hamesha Paise maangta hai,

Tera baap Bhikhari hai kya…….

 

Fark hota hai KHUDA aur PEER me,

Fark hota hai KISMAT aur TAKDIR me,

Agar kuchh chaho aur Na mile,

To samajh lena ki,

Kuchh aur ACHCHHA likha hai aapke Takdir me…….

 

Maa- Beta kya kar rahe ho..?

Beta- Padh raha hun…

Maa- Excelent , kya padh rahe ho?

Beta- ji, AAISHA ke Message……….

 

Apki DOSTI ko hum nibhayenge,

Aap roz khafa hona,

Hum roz manayenge,

Per maan jana manane se,

Varna-

Raat ko bori me bharke,

Kahi dur phenk aayenge………….

 

 

Teri Ummid ki har aas mit gayi hai,

Phir DIL tera Intezaar kare to kisliye,

Zindgi un to kat hi rahi hai,

Magar phir bhi tere milne ki Aas hai kisliye…..

 

 

Me janta hu ki, Ye KHWAB jhute hai,

Aur ye KHUSHIYAN adhuri hai,

Magar Jinda rehane ke liye mere DIL,

Kuchh Galatfahmiya bhi jaruri hai………..

 

Dil hua Zakhmi magar,

Kisi ko Khabar nahi,

Meri Chahto ka Us per koi Asar nahi,

Ho ke Juda yadi Mar jaayenge,

Sun ke Unse kehna –

Ye Koi Badi Khabar nahi………..

 

Life is Funny & Twisted,

Some time you Laugh,

Some time you CRY,

But as long as I’m with you,

I’ll always be on Your Lips,

As a SMILE rather than,

A TEAR in your Eyes……

 

If Malika plays Role of ‘DRAUPADI’.

What ‘DURYODHAN’ will say?

“Dusashan, Pehna do Bhav ko SAREE.”

“Hum bhi to dekhe, kaisi Lagti hai Vastro me ye Naree”……

 

 

Dil ke Mehman ban jao,

Ankhon ke Arman ban jao,

Hothon ki Muskaan ban jao,

Oh aap ho,

I am Sorry,

Aap to bas-

Insaan ban jao…….

 

Make a Mind, which never Minds,

Make a Heart, which never Hurts,

Make a Touch, which never Pains,

And,

Make a Relation, which never Ends…..

 

True Friends are like Diamonds,

They are Real & Rare,

False Friends are like Leaves,

They are Scattered every where…

 

 

ROBOT FEVER----

Why does Rajnikant wear Sunglasses?

.

/

.

/

.

Reason- So that the SUN doesn’t Damaged by his Eyes…..

 

Teacher to a 1^st standerd gal- What is your Name?

Gal- What’s my name?

What’s my name?

What’s my name?

What’s my name?..........

.

/

.

My name is SHEELA,

Sheela ki Jawani………

 

 

Bure DIN ho Khallas,

Aane wale Din ho Jhakkas,

Aap kabhi na ho Udas,

Aap hamesha raho Bindas,

Ye Dua hai Khas,

Har Khushi ho Aapke Paas….

 

Phone na Krna, BILL jyada hoga

Message na Karna, Paise kharch honge

Mis Call na Dena, Battery down hoga

DIL se Yaad karma, KHARCHA kam hoga……

 

 

CHAND per hai Light,

Bole to ho gayi hai Night,

To band karne ka Tube-light,

Aur so jane ka keep quite,

Bole to wo Sweet Dreams wala-

GOOD NIGHT…………

 

Takdir ne Chaha,

Takdir ne Bataya,

Takdir ne Tumko aur Humko milaya,

Khush Nasib the Hum ya Wo Pal,

Jab aap jaisa ANMOL,

DOST Jindgi me aaya….

 

 

Kis had tak jana hai, Ye kaun janta hai

Kis Manzil ko pana hai, Ye kaun janta hai

DOSTI ke do pal ji bharke Jee lo,

Kis Roz Bichad jana hai,

Ye kaun janta hai…..

 

 

Cool Air,

Bright Sun,

Fresh Flower,

Singing Birds,

All these waiting to see-

Your eyes Open to Say,

GOOD MORNING…..

 

 

Dil me Yaadon ke mele hai,

Tum bin Dost hum bahut akele hai,

Sab kuchh Chod kar tumhe SMS karte hai,

Dekho hum tumhe kitna MISS kerte hai….

 

 

TRUE LINES:-

“ The Taste of Water can be enjoyed only,

When we are Thirsty.”

Same way---

“The care of True Persons will be Known only,

When we are Alone”.

 

 

Rose born for Beauty,

Jasmine born for Smell,

You born for Me,

And,

I born for You,

You & I born for FRIENDSHIP……

 

 

Muskaan ka koi Mol nahi hota,

Kuchh Rashmo ka koi Tol nahi hota,

Dost mil jate hai har Raste per lekin,

Har koi aapki tarah ANMOL nahi hota….

 

 

Sapno me aati hai,

Bahut Satati hai,

Tera Satana Pagal mujhe banata hai,

Gale se lagakar kar deta hai Bekarar,

Tujh jaisa koi nahi jo,

KARTA HAI ITNA PYAAR…………

 

Father- Kya hua beta, kyon ro rahe ho?

Mujhe bata, me tumhare DOST jaisa hu..

Son- Kya bataun me Apni wali se milne gaya tha,

Teri wali ne bahut mara….

 

Sonu (Conductor se) – Agar chalti bus se kudana ho to kab kudana chahiye?

Conductor – Beta tab kud jana….

….. jab Hospital Nazdik me ho..

 

 

Wo so jate hai aksar,

Hume yaad kiye Bagair,

Hume Nind nahi aati,

Unse Baat kiye Bagair,

Kasur unka nahi humara hai,

Unhe chaha bhi to,

Unki Ijazat ke Bagair….

 

Neend apni bhula ke,

Sulaya humko,

Ansu apne gira ke,

Hasaya humko,

Dard kabhi na dena un Hastiyon ko,

Khuda ne MAA-BAAP banaya jinko….